When you are a single parent, you essentially are doing the job of 2 people, and it can be extremely overwhelming. It was a total shock once I realized just how much I was doing. I had a full-time job, and 2 kids to take care of. I lived in a school district where bus service was not available. Therefore, I had to take my kids back and forth to school or have them take public transportation. Well, that was out of the question, especially in elementary school. As a result, I was in the car an average of 1 and ½ hours both in the morning and evening. We would get home close to and even sometimes after 6pm. We would need dinner and baths before going to bed, which I tried to have the kids in bed by 9pm. Talk about difficult. As the boys got older, we added social activities. I didn’t even mention church twice a week. Needless to say, I was sick of driving. By the end of the week, I would be so exhausted. I would often times spend my Saturday tired and unmotivated. I couldn’t get anything done. This left me having to do a lot on Sunday. And then the cycle begins again.

However, now my kids go to 2 different schools. The schools start at the same time but get out almost an hour apart. My mornings I’m in the car 1 hour on average. But the afternoons are 2 hours. Adding in school sports and activities makes this hectic as well. I don’t want either of my boys to miss out on important social interactions, but with the schedules often overlapping, it is hectic.

Having to be both mom and dad does take a lot of work. You must be ready for anything at any time, and nothing is off limits. I think the hardest thing is making sure your children know they can come to you about anything without being scared or embarrassed. This is especially difficult with children of the opposite sex. I’m still working on that with my boys. I think it’s better with my oldest, but that could also be because of the personality differences. My oldest likes to talk and is pretty open. My youngest is very quiet and keeps to himself. You have to pry any type of conversation out of him. I try not to pressure them or interrogate them, but sometimes you have to ask questions. I listen very carefully to conversations and look for opportunities to dig deeper into a topic. Building this type of relationship is hard and ongoing. You have to consistently put in the work, and you can’t slack off at any time. This relationship will prepare your children to be adults and train them to make the best decisions for themselves.

Don’t worry if you feel like your children aren’t listening because they will surprise you. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard one of my boys say something that made me smile and think “wow, they really do listen”. Conversations with other adults (teachers, neighbors, other family members, friends, etc.) in their life will also be evidence that they do listen. Even if they are not listening, keep talking. Something will sink in. It may take a while before they show the knowledge they’ve gained but keep teaching. Everyone processes things differently and at different speeds. We have to be patient, yet consistent.

2 major keys to parenting:

    PATIENCE

    CONSISTENT