Dating is already hard, so when you add children, it gets harder. There are so many factors that you need to consider. The biggest one is their feelings. See, dating as a single parent isn’t just about you and your happiness, it’s about you are your child(ren)’s happiness. I wouldn’t suggest letting the kids have control, but I believe at some point they need to be involved. Ultimately, the perspective suitor would be dating you and your children. As odd as it sounds, you are a package deal. A lot of kids don’t like the idea of the primary parent dating because there is usually hope of their parents being together again. Another factor would be losing their primary parent just like they lost the other. The first parent that starts dating makes a tremendous difference to how a child responds to the primary parent dating. If done properly, the child will adjust much easier. However, the other side of the coin is when the child’s feelings weren’t at least listened to, they will be resistant.

There will be a process for you and any children involved when you start dating. Ground rules will need to be established. And it may even be effective to set up a timeline, because you shouldn’t be introducing children to every person you meet and have dinner or a coffee with. You get to make these decisions and the person you date should be made aware of all the ground rules. For instance, my kids are not being introduced to someone I am hanging out with on a superficial level. There would have to be some conversations had and an understanding of our level of commitment. If there is no commitment and no probability of a future, there will be no interactions with my kids.

Once you start introducing the person you are dating to your kids, you must pay close attention to your child’s behavior. It’s imperative that they don’t feel like you are pushing them aside. The smallest things can trigger a lot from them. So, keep the conversations open and free flowing. Let them know their feelings are valid and that no matter what, you will always love them. If there is a relationship with the other parent, you may want them to have a little involvement as well. If the child is very close to the parent that lives outside the house, they may feel like they are betraying that parent if they bond with the new person. Seeing the other parent being okay with you dating could go a long way.

It could always be helpful to have these conversations beforehand. Preparing your children for this next stage of life can help it go much smoother. Remember children are people too and they have feelings.